Embrace the law of averages in your dating life!

Posted by Tunde Michael | Tue Dec 11, 2018 08:44 AM | Viewed: 100

Borrowing from another culture is like eating spicey Glover Court suya, it's impossible to lick up all the oil and pepper and the suya in one sitting if at all.

The concept of dating that we teach in Africa is wrong or incomplete at best. Waiting for Mr or Miss right, judging them as good enough or not before we say yes and agree to 'date' them is absurd, to say the least. Firstly, there is no Mr or Miss right, that one man or woman that God promised and ordained for you and even if there were, you wouldn't be able to know until you've dated them.


When Africans hear the word dating, its instantly triggers exclusively kissing, having sex, calling, visiting and/or parading someone around as your boyfriend or girlfriend. And even when there is no sex or romance at all, the word EXCLUSIVE is still key. If we're dating, then she is my girlfriend and mine only.


Contrary to this African interpretation of this concept, dating means seeing someone but there is no obligation of romance until willingly consented to by both parties and neither is exclusivity implicit.

In the culture where the concept was invented, dating is usually in stages and can be broadly divided this way:

1. First 2 dates: This is the time to ask questions like what's your full name (if you don't already know), what do u do, and other things about your date.
2. Dates 3 and more: This stage basically means I think I like your person, so I want to see more of you.
3. Request for exclusivity:

The *request for exclusivity* stage may not be verbally communicated but what is important to know is that it is not uncommon for the lady or the guy to mention at the first 2 stages that they're seeing other people. And this is perfectly acceptable in the culture where we borrowed the dating concept from.

What is funny about Africans is that we generally jump steps or muddle them together. For example, a guy has to *ask a girl out* even when they barely know anything about each other and if she says yes, then they go exclusive immediately and start 'dating' afterward most times following the steps above and most times with the girl instantly demanding for money, phones or just to be taken care of because it's her right.

And of course the guy quickly asking for sex, hey if I'm furnishing a house, should I not enter or even live there all day?. Little wonder heartbreaks are mostly one-sided because the side that 'held' the power would've 'lost' it before getting to know the monster she said yes to. 

So my advice the other day that encourages you to go with the law of averages and date as many people as possible in 2019 is not that you go around and be sleeping with as many people as come your way, it is bothered around the real concept of dating.

Real dating is basically hanging out and getting to know people before you judge them as good enough to be Mr or Miss right, the perfect man or woman God promised you. Do a lot of step 1 and 2 instead of waiting and praying for Mr or Miss right.

Dating many people will expose you to the minds of men and women, and you'll learn a lot about the expectations of the opposite sex and in turn may shape your view of the world around you.


The pull of our culture may be strong, but it is in our best interest to yield to the call of wisdom. I hope you choose not to be a victim of an inaccurately borrowed culture. 

 


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